First of all, thank you to everyone for the notes, calls, texts, messages and other showerings of love following my last post. It’s scary to put yourself out there sometimes; intimidating to put yourself out there to be judged.
Some were scared and some were encouraging (and even a bit encouraged, surprisingly).
So, anyway, yes, thank you. Even if I didn’t reply, I most definitely read every word and placed it in a secret room of my heart called Healing. I draw upon those words on the tough days and create an addition to the floor plan on my good days.
I just saw that there were 100 days left until 2014. I don’t do math very well, so I appreciate nice simple, even numbers and easy deadlines. Those 100 days inspired me.
I was texting with a friend the other day (our sad generation for not “talking” anymore, I know) and we were talking about happiness.
“I’m not going to look for my happiness anymore,” I said. “I’m going to create my own version of my own happiness.”
He agreed. “We rely too much on others for our own happiness,” he said.
So no more. It’s not the people around me that will bring me my happiness, but the moments and gifts they bring to my life; the moments and gifts I bring to myself and allow myself to enjoy.
So today, I played with my little girl and some Tupperware containers on a kitchen floor; I edited photos; I inhaled deeply my favorite Yankee Candle scent; I allowed myself to dance alone in the living room; I bought myself some flowers and even put my feet up for a few moments.
I will not find happiness. I will create happiness.
It is a fresh start.