The baby is sleeping. Scott is out with friends. I am surrounded by a chirp now and then over the baby monitor, the whirring of the washer and dryer, a little Neil Diamond on the radio.
I went to take the dogs outside just now and just sucked in the glorious warmer weather and the fresh, clean smell in the air as stars twinkled brighter than ever above me. “Hello, Spring,” I said to no one in particular, other than the spying neighbor who might really think I’m insane now.
And just like that, life is so good again. My doubts, worries, wondering, swept up in the evening breeze.
I have been surrounded by such love and support and encouragement these past few days. And so much laughter.
On Friday, Z-Man honestly spent a huge chunk of the day just laughing. And then giggling. And cackling.
Laughing to himself. Giggling with drool pouring out of his lower lip as I play peek-a-boo. Feet up in the air in a fit of happiness. A loud “ha” as he flips over on the floor. A cackle when I make a face. Just all day laughter. It was so beautiful. Like he knew that his Momma needed a little of what that doctor ordered.
Daddy and I got out the bubbles for the Dude and wound up entertaining ourselves.
Spending the better part of 30 minutes competing about who could blow the bigger bubble, and then losing it in a ball of sillyness as we watched Zack make a big circle with his mouth as his eyes widened in excitement, all the while as Izzie tried to catch the bubbles in her mouth. We were in absolute hysterics.
Last night, we hung out with some new-parent friends and I felt like a proud Aunt or Mom watching these new little friends of Zack’s crawling, grabbing things and even taking their first steps. I suddenly no longer feel suffocated by the blatant, obvious visual of Zack sitting in one spot, with my support, as babies his age are moving easily across a room.
I feel so happy to see what’s in store for us and to have this extra time to enjoy his weight in my lap, to treasure the million little steps that make one big accomplishment happen.
I pray my friends realize how blessed their babies’ accomplishments are, but more than that, I wish I could hit the “pause” button for them, just for an instant, to make sure they really feel the awesome beauty in having a little one’s hand let go of your hand as she trudges forward on her feet all on her own and with such strength.
But most of all, I realized how much I love how they without-a-doubt, unconditionally, with-all-their-might l-o-v-e our son as if he was their own. It leaves me breathless.
It involves hoisting the butt up in the air, throwing one side forward with all his might, resting on the ground and repeating on the other side. I no longer have enough blankets to cover the area he uses to roll and maneuver anymore, so The Dude is slowly getting acquainted with our hardwood floors.
And I can’t get this smile off of my face.
I am so happy.