Sunshine

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey. You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you. Please don’t take my sunshine away.

I’ve sung these lyrics to Zack nearly every day of his life for three and a half years. I even rubbed my pregnant belly and hummed it when he was in utero.

It was always his song, never even shared with Addie.

After some thousand days of these 30 or so words, sung softly in the dark after a nightmare, while rocking during post-surgery snuggles in a hospital room and before bedtime tuck-ins each night, he returned the favor.

It happened the first time at my aunt’s house last month. She, a much better singer than me, was cuddled up with the three of us, loving us with the sweet melody.

There was a smile from that little boy of mine and what sounded like a “happy”… A fluke, I thought.
And then, “grey.”
“Dear.”
My favorite, a sound like “love.”
“Sunshine” and “away” and I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing down my cheeks.

It was my happiest moment as a Momma so far.

A couple of mornings I awoke to him singing it, to me, I like to think.

And we continue our duet to this day.

Zack has still never said “I love you,” maybe he never will. His sister says “La You” on command but saves her kisses for her baby dolls and a really weak moment now and then. Her love is in clingy hugs and “Momma” uttered with a mischievous smile. She grabs my hand and shows me a new treasure — toy or empty box or cat fur. She watches in amazement when I put on my make-up and she pets my hair while saying “Nice, nice.”

But Zack, he sings me his love at least once a day. And he gives me the sweetest, albeit drooly, kisses without hesitation.

He is my sunshine.

You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you…

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