Love you, Addie

I feel like sometimes all of my conversations and posts are centered around Zack lately. There’s just so much going on with his schooling, support, changes, that I forget to talk up a storm about his little sister. So consider this a love letter to Addie.

Dear Addison,

I figured you out before you were born. When you were still in my belly, I told everyone that you were going to be a handful. You haven’t let me down.

You are, in many ways, a representation of who I wish I could be. You are stubborn and strong-willed, strong and independent. You are very intuitive and offer the lesser-considered side of any debate.

And your imagination. I love your imagination. I hope it is a hint to a future of creativity and story-telling.

You can turn a blanket into a cape and a tissue makes a tiara. You soak in words and phrases, mull them over ever-so-briefly, and then spit them back out at us in a very short amount of time. You are witty, much more so than most adults I know.

We just recently overcame a period of great difficulty. You pushed my every button and tried to speak your mind, in defiance to me, at every turn. But it seems as though we’ve moved on from there, at least for now. And suddenly, I see this other side of you that I didn’t know you possessed. And it’s actually a large part of who you are right now.

There is love and kindness that comes from you in sweet words.

“I make you happy” is one of my favorites. You tell your favorite toys “I love you and you’ll never be sad again.” I don’t know where you pulled all of that from, but I love that sweetness.

You can be selfless, too. Offering to watch “Mommy’s show” when Zack is at school and helping me so much with cleaning up toys and clearing the table.

I’ve had this semi-irrational fear that somehow Zack’s diagnosis of Down Syndrome and all of the special help he needs will negatively impact you; and it saddens me because you didn’t ask for this.

But there you are, playing with his therapists and his aide, coloring in the next room when Momma almost loses her mind at a school registrar. You may wind up in the same schoolyear as Zack but in a different building in the district. Or you may see firsthand walking the hallways the sort of stereotype that follows your big brother. I hope the sweetness you have started to show continues to grow in your heart. And I hope you know that regardless of Zack’s potential or limitations, you will always have time with us and a special place in our hearts. You are no better or worse than him. no more or less loved. And your possibilities are endless. We will fight as hard for your future as we will for Zack’s.

You have only very recently begun a love for girly-girl things like skirts and princesses. You love to twirl and make up songs. Yet you still have this tomboy side of you, a little rough around the edges, kicking snowpiles in your boots and eating every single thing that’s placed in front of you.

I love when you hold my head and ask for a kiss.

I love brushing your hair, thin but long, and asking your vote for ballerina bun or braids.

I love how you worship your Daddy. And how only he can paint your nails and how you show people those nails, days after they begin to chip.

Just keep being you, beauitful girl. Stay smart and strong.

And know that you have taught me so much. I cannot wait to watch your journey continue. And to see the woman you turn out to be and the things I continue to learn from you.

I love you more,

Momma

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