Where we are

One of my resolutions on the 1st (I wrote a long list this year) was to blog more often. I’m hoping we can all pretend that the first two weeks of the new year without a post never even happened and we can start working on this resolution from here on out, OK?

One of the reasons we haven’t had a blog post is because we’ve been so busy (Wendy’s photography business and Mary Kay team, visiting family, meetings with Zack’s school and much more). The other reason why we haven’t had a blog post is because among all of that craziness, I’m working really, really hard to disconnect more often and for longer periods of time and just be living in the quiet moment of Now. So, the kids and I have been playing pretend games together and Scott and I have enjoyed time together with some new favorite shows and even a game or two. I sometimes get so stuck on what I should be doing; who I should be helping; what I should be planning… that I forget about me and about Scott, Zack and Addie. No more of that nonsense. It’s all about balance.

So here we are.

I woke up a few days ago and just felt like we were on the cusp of something huge; something much greater than just a new year or a new month. We have spent so much of the past year transitioning from one home to another, one job to another, one lifestyle to another, that I finally feel as though we are ready to just live it now. To just be where we are and not where we are going or where we were.

Life is such an amazing adventure. I just want to soak up every minute of my journey.

Zack and Addie are the most wonderful little humans I’ve ever known. I might be biased.

Addie is so quick and witty. She greeted me at 7 a.m. today by shouting “Open the door, please, it’s good morning!” And when I opened the door, she reached out with her hand, shook mine and said, “Glad to meet you, Momma.”

She just continuously makes me laugh. More than four months after moving in to our home, she still asks her grandparents and random strangers if they want to come see her new room.

Her imagination is insane. She jumps from princesses in peril to babies and towers and hammering things that need fixed all within about 20 minutes. And there is so much drama! She knows how to work a pouty lip and lower her eyes and glance up at you through her dark eyelashes. You can’t not smile, I guarantee it.

We had some trouble with her stubbornness and strong disposition, but now we are getting a better handle on how to make her want to be a good girl instead of just going into discipline-the-bad-girl mode. She is relatively quick to clean up her toys, many times without me even asking, and she’s even more tolerant about sharing and brother hugs.

I love her quiet moments so very much.

The other day, I think we both wanted and needed some cuddly time together, so I suggested we watch a show under the blankets together while Zack was at school. I suggested princess movies and Bubble Guppies and even Dr. Seuss.

“No, momma,” She said. “I want to watch Momma’s show.”

I didn’t think it would last, but I gave it a try and flipped on the last 20 minutes of a terribly cheesy movie I watch on repeat whenever I get 20 minutes to catch my breath or eat a snack. She watched it all with me and held my hand tight. Near the end, she pointed to the lead female character, in a slightly sad scene, and told me that it was Momma.

But then quickly, she turned to look at me, put my face in her hands and said, “But Momma is happy because Addie makes Momma happy.”

She’s correct.

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And the Z-Man. Oh, how he is growing in so many ways in these recent weeks.

We are moving forward with getting him an aide for school and at home (about 14 hours/week total to start) and as long as the Commonwealth approves it, he’ll have someone by his side within the next two weeks. HIs most recent IEP meeting to discuss our plan for him for the next year, went well, all things considered.

It’s never easy to read a booklet on the most minute details of your firstborn. It’s never an enjoyable experience to hear things like “lifetime of needing special assistance” and “safety issues to himself” or words like “delay” and “lacking.” It doesn’t matter that we’ve done these types of meetings numerous times. It doesn’t matter that we are always grateful for them and for the handful of people in the room who care so much about Zack that it’s almost like he’s theirs, too. For me, it’s always like a rehashing of his Down Syndrome diagnosis. I grieve for a day or two, and then, we’re all OK. And I begin moving a thousand miles an hour to work on new ideas and areas of concentration. We’re asking a lot of “wh” questions (What color is that? Where is this?) to work on speech and we’ve got a lot of work to do to keep him attending to tasks without disrupting others or posing a safety concern to himself. But we have plans and we have dreams and they are all big and we are so excited.

Zack’s teacher spoke of his potential and she did it in such a proud way that I think “potential” is my current favorite word. Isn’t it exhilarating what power ‘potential’ has? You can do amazing things and be amazing. You can work to reach your potential because no one’s potential is just handed to them. Potential is a beautiful thing.

Zack has a good friend at school named Maggie. She’s a very quiet, shy girl who doesn’t typically like to be touched or disrupted, especially if she’s feeling a little anxiety. But for whatever reason, Zack can approach Maggie in any situation and hug her or hold her hand and she always lets him. This morning, it was just Zack and Maggie on the van to school. When we opened the door and he saw her, Zack just smiled and kept saying her name over and over like a song. Before I closed the door, I saw they were already holding hands.

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So here’s to more blogs. And to potential. And to holding hands and making people happy. Because that’s right where we are now.

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The Liebster Award

Our sweet little Zee Family blog has been nominated for the Liebster Award!

liebsteraward

Fellow Momma Jess from Give me Strength, a heart-felt blogger, warrior, balancer of all crazy things in this life, put this blog on a growing list of talented, funny, beautiful people in the blogging community to have received this acknowledgement.

The Liebster Award is meant to encourage and promote other bloggers within the blogging community. “Liebster,” a German word, means sweetest, kindest, nicest, dearest, lovely, pleasant, valued or welcome.

WOW!
First, let me take a moment and tell you about Jess. Our paths crossed only briefly in person, but despite both of us moving, adding some kids, changing our lives all around and up and down, we’ve kept in touch thanks to social media. Jess started blogging just a few months ago. I’ll never forget her FaceBook post that basically said, “Thinking about a blog… should I?”

YES, I screamed into my phone’s FB app.
And then I proceeded to write a probably very long response comment about how it is a calming therapy for me and how much I would love to see what she had to say. She did not disappoint. Her blog absolutely lives up to the tagline “laughter and encouragement…” She writes consistently, which I appreciate, and honestly, which I admire. She has made me think for hours after I leave her page and I’m off doing some chore or task.
So, thank you, Jess.

OK, so this award has rules! And I’m trying desperately to be a rule follower, not breaker, in my old age!

1. Acknowledge the blog who nominated you. (Done!)
2. Answer 11 questions the blogger gives you. (Next!)
3. Give 11 facts about yourself. (oooooh!)
4. Nominate 11 other blogs. (So, they’re supposed to have less than 200 followers — some of mine have more than that and some I don’t know! So I might be breaking a rule! AH!)
5. Let them know you nominated them.
6. Give those bloggers 11 questions to answer.

Alright. Here are my questions from Jess and my answers:
1. What is the one thing that you want most to accomplish this year?

Balance. Did I answer that too quickly? I’m getting much better at it all — mom, wife, housewife, photographer, Mary Kay, family, friends… sometimes I can’t do it very well in one day or one week, and often, I forget to take care of me! I’m highly considering a day or weekend completely away and all by myself, disconnected! GASP!

2. What is your favorite quality about yourself?

I’m caring about others, almost to a fault. I love making people happy, I love the idea of memories and traditions. Sometimes, I definitely set expectations too high.

3. What is something that is guaranteed to make you laugh?

Addie-isms. That girl thinks of the craziest things. This morning, she said she had to go see Santa. When I asked why, she responded with, “Santa sing with me.” What??? Just now, she handed me her empty snack bowl. “I please, I just, it’s just I want more fishes.”

4. When you want/need to relax, what do you do?

Oh man, relaxing rocks! I like any and all of the following: coffee or tea, a good book, an old classic movie, crocheting, a walk or run outside, taking photos, calling someone just because, or just a random drive.

5. How did you come up with the name of your blog?

I’m not very original! Last name starts with “z!” Zee Family! In the very beginning of this blog (I actually had two earlier versions of this blog!), I even did things like “zee baby” and “zee house” — man that got old really quickly!

6. What or who inspired you to begin blogging?

Keeping in touch with long-distance loved ones and creating sort of a virtual recap of our day-to-day lives for the kids to enjoy one day.

7. Name your guilty pleasure.

M&Ms. I have entire bags of them, various flavors, hidden. I don’t eat a lot at once, but man oh man do I LOVE them. (Please e-mail for address and favorite flavors, haha just kidding!)

8. What is your least favorite household chore?

Either emptying the dishwasher or putting laundry away. I love washing dishes by hand and I really don’t mind doing or folding laundry. But I hate putting all those nice warm clean things away! Weird.

9. Do you utilize social media as a blogger? If so, how?

A bit here and there for this blog, mostly just on FaceBook. With my photography blog and business, I use Pinterest (to share ideas with future clients), Instagram (to share a lot of behind-the-scenes moments) and FaceBook.

10. To date, what would you consider to be your greatest accomplishment?

Being a Mom. Seriously, this is a great job. Super difficult. So frustrating sometimes. Always questioning yourself. But I love every moment I have with Z & A.

11. Where is your favorite place to shop?

Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of Etsy shopping, but typically I HATE shopping. My most recent purchases are 90% for my photography or for someone else!

My 11 random facts:
1.I have an insanely blended/mixed family. Dad, stepmom, two stepsisters, a half-sister, a half-brother and a gaggle of nieces and nephews. I grew up with an entire family that I wasn’t even related to and I LOVE them beyond words because blood never mattered.

2. I am so addicted to coffee. I typically have at least two to three good-sized cups a day. A couple of times a week, that goes WAY up. I couldn’t even quit 100% during my pregnancies. Doctor said all of the side effects were not worth it, so I went down to one cup of caffeinated and sometimes a decaf or half-half cup.

3. Despite my love of coffee, I’ve never been to the coffee shop that’s literally like five blocks from the house. I need to do that.

4. I’ve never had a speeding ticket…

5. … because I’ve talked my way out of them.

6. I love Wikipedia and IMDB. I will Wikipedia at least five or six times a day. (Who’s that guy in the commercial? Can a conjoined twin have a child? Where is most of the world’s heroin made?)

7. New England is my favorite place in the world. I love the history, the culture, all the great writers from there. And I love lots of snow and mountains.

8. Despite my love for reading, my lowest grade in my first 12 years of schooling came from 6th Grade Reading. Ms. Grob said I was terrible at comprehending what I read. I cried over that C+ for a solid week.

9. Hurdling was a bad life decision. I did it to help out my team my senior year of high school. I absolutely sucked at it, first of all. But, because my technique was so poor, I wound up getting a torn hip flexor on one side and bursitis in both hips. I feel it to this day. Also, one day I ran into a hurdle so hard that I fell back completely onto the track and tried to regroup before anyone noticed. But my blood-soaked body and limp gave me away.

10. I love to laugh. I’ve been known to belly-laugh and snort.

11. Nicknames include: Wendell, Coal Car, Gemela, Dubya, Breezy, Baby Girl, Pookie.

The questions I’m sending to my favorite bloggers:

1. What has been the biggest surprise in your blogging journey so far?

2. What three things in a “typical day” make you happiest?

3. Share a favorite photo with you in it.

4. Where’s your favorite getaway?

5. What most concerns you about the next generation?

6. Do you have a favorite Christmas tradition?

7. Name three fears.

8. Who was the last person to encourage you and how?

9. What’s been the most important lesson you’ve learned this year?

10. Where do you see your blog in five years?

11. Have you ever hit “publish” on a post you regret?

And finally, my nominees for the Liebster Award:


Barren to Beauitful

The Life and Writings of Kate Baer
Give Me Strength (Jess, I had to send it right back to you, I’m sorry!)
Tales From the Trenches
Our Epic Story
Chasing Rainbows
Nicole Schwalm Photography
When the Heart Speaks
Mommy Life After PhD
Being Jane
Becoming Jolie

Reconnecting

It’s a cyclical thing, me and reconnecting. Every three months or so, I find myself in what should be a very happy moment just paralyzed and overwhelmed with stress or worry or the Grumpy Gloomies. And it’s almost always because I’ve become disconnected. From the things I love or from seeing what’s right in front of me.

So I’m reconnecting. Slowly but surely. I need to find a way to make sure I stay connected — that’s the tricky part.

Despite being a stay-at-home-mom for the better part of nine-and-half months already, it’s still a title I wear with difficulty some days. I find it hard to believe that one year ago, I was juggling a 70-hour work week with wife and mom and house duties, all the while attempting my photography business on the side. Something always suffered.

Now, I can say that most days, I’m rocking it all.
I’m putting down the phone and picking up the blocks or cars. I’m learning to tolerate Elmo’s World and a side of two-year-old temper tantrums when I decide Elmo is a once-a-day activity. (Not five or nine). I make the most of nap times. The phone comes out, the computer cranks on and I amaze myself with how productive I can be in 2.5 hours.

I feel like I know my kids better and better. I feel like they know me, and you know, maybe even appreciate me. I hope that they know that becoming a SAHM was the best job title I ever gained and that I am forever grateful I can reinforce Zack’s school lessons each week and pick out clever items for Show-and-Tell. I’m happy that I am there when Addie wakes up crying or tells me she has a boo-boo on her teeth (She’s teething some God-awful molar, we think). I’m there. I’m grateful I’m there.

It’s Down Syndrome Awareness Month (Please learn more about DS here!) and I am amazed at what DS means to us nowadays. It means an incredible school and some free diapers, but really, it means so little. Because Zack is our son. He is the smile and reaching hand under his door after nap time as I creep up the stairs for giggles. He is the unsolicited slobbery kiss when you least expect it. He is sometimes a troublemaker and sometimes, he pushes his sister. (She usually deserves it) He is a flirt with the girl that sits next to him on the bus. He screeches “SCHNACK!” as soon as he wakes up and then proceeds to eat out of his sister’s bowl when she’s not looking. He is not DS.

I’m reconnecting with Scott, and him with me. He comes home to a dinner that at least smells good from the kitchen door (I promise nothing comparable in taste). I take care of the dishes so that he can enjoy the only hour or so he gets with the kids some days.

We have a happy little routine and I’m even building up both of my businesses (shameless plug for Wendy Zook Photography and my Mary Kay business). I’m working on an advancement training program with MK once a week and I’ve booked several photo sessions for 2015 already.

I’m crocheting up a storm, which is always a relaxing go-to for my hands and mind. And this week alone, I’ve gotten through six(!) magazines from my Leaning Tower of Haven’t Read These Yet.

Yet — perhaps it’s the selfish part of me — I still want more. Is it just a Me thing? Or a Woman thing? I always feel like if I stray the least bit from what I “should” be doing, I’m a huge letdown. If I decide ordering a pizza is worth sneaking in a DVR’d Dancing With the Stars some Tuesday afternoon, am I lazy or smart? I need my sanity, right? But then Scott’s taking a detour on his way home and there’s certainly no heavenly meaty scent wafting through the kitchen when he enters.

I’ve yet to make any friends in the area, and I know that will come in time (Working on it, I promise!), but meanwhile, it can make for an isolating experience some days. But I’m finding myself and reconnecting to myself. That’s a worthwhile experience.

Before my ‘gemela’ and I became nearly inseparable in our Argentina adventures (some cough, NINE, cough years ago), I remember spending my first couple of weeks learning not only a dialect and a land, but learning of a young woman who I’d never taken the time to know. I stared longer at laugh lines and grey flecks in eyes. I roamed cobblestone streets alone and loved every second of it — the people watching and the thoughts in my mind that made me smile. I stared out at a harbor for the better part of an hour, thinking and not thinking all at the same time.

I’ve spent this past year watching my dear friend Kacey, the true-friend-true-person kind of lady, plan her wedding. I’ve loved being on this journey with her. We have, without a doubt, become closer, and I know that won’t change after this weekend. I love that her engagement chapter has reminded me not to pause when I want to share a picture or send a just-because Hello. That a stamp is well worth the pay-out of a smile 300 miles away.

I’ve reconnected with old friends and acquaintances, too, and playdates are planned and mini-reunions on the books! It’s funny how time and life change who you need to be around and who makes you happy. The people who let you know, sometimes indirectly, that you’re doing a mighty fine job. At all of it.

I feel as though I’m returning to that mindset by the South American harbor and to that way of living every moment; feeling every moment. Not staring at water for an hour uninterrupted, of course. But learning what makes me tick and what makes me better. And sometimes that’s sacrificing.
And sometimes it’s just reconnecting.

Giving Zack and Nella a chance…

… to pursue their dreams.

… to push past boundaries.

… to prove people wrong.

… to do the things that makes others get those sad eyes because they think my son and a beautiful stranger friend named Nella can’t do them.

 

Another Mommy blogger with incredible talent as a writer, photographer and most especially, momma, included Zack in her recent post in honor of her daughter’s upcoming first birthday.

Please check this out.

I know money is tough. I know this isn’t JUST for Zachary. But it is, really. A donation to the National Down Syndrome Society helps all of the Zacharys, all of the Nellas. It helps their parents and their families, too.

My favorite Christmas present this year came from my cousin’s girlfriend, whom I haven’t even met yet. She donated to NDSS in Zachary’s honor. We have been so moved by that that there are still no words to express our sincere gratitude or amazement.

Kelle gives me  hope every week with her raw, honest voice and a peek into her world. A world that, like ours, included a diagnosis of Down Syndrome this year. A world that has been made better for it.

Thank you for those who  have supported us on this journey so far.

Thank you to those who ask questions and find answers.

Thank you to Nella.

And to Zachary. You make me a better momma, a better person.

The magic and the wonder

Between the snow, the Christmas decorations and atmosphere and a certain blue-eyed baby, this winter I think will be a little less dreary than most.

My cousin Nicole recommended I listen to this song (it even says Zachary!) and now I have it on repeat as I look over photos from an evening with my two guys.

I love the phrase the magic and the wonder our ole Rocky Mountain friend sings about in that song. This year has given me much magic and wonder. These past four months have been magical and wonderful and more so because of the moments where the magic and wonder was hidden in a deep dark place that I HAD to visit. To get from there to here. There is magic here. And great wonder.

I’ve also been reminded to, quoting the title of my absolute favoritest blog ever, enjoy the small things. There are moments where I am oblivious to the attention my little blog has gotten already, although I’ve asked for it with Facebook sharing and word of mouth and a mass e-mail here and there. But then there are people I never knew who are sending me thoughts of love; there are acquaintances-turned-friends simply because they spent a few minutes ‘in my world’ here.  Church members are reading and people I work with or see through work are cheering us Z’s on every day.

 

That’s huge.

 

 

I don’t blog for the comments (though they make my day!) or for attention (I like being behind the scenes). This post explains why you blog. At least it hits the nail on the head for me.

 

 

This is such therapy for me.

 

Some days I’m barely hanging on and just letting my fingers roam the keys puts a calmness in my soul. Other days, I’m so proud of my son, my husband, my life, that I have to stop uploading photos and laughing out loud. And some days, very much today, is a neutral ground somewhere in between.

Don’t laugh, but it makes me feel whole. It makes me stop and take notice of the magic and the wonder in my life; of the small things and beautiful things that might otherwise escape my reflection of a busy day.

 

It heals me.

 

 

 

 

 

Hello, world!

Hello!

Or, given the funny French theme that stumbled onto my new blog, should I say “BONJOUR!”?

I’ve been blogging here and there for some time now, but since the recent purchase of a really tubular, makes-me-grin-like-a-kid-on-Christmas-morning camera and the birth of an amazing mohawk-wearing son of mine earlier this year (along with the urging of my Internet-savvy friend with a great story of her own), I felt the strong urge to really blog. Fo’ real. To put myself out there, not behind a wimpy free browser or lots of privacy and hiding, but to really and truly share things from our corner of the world.

I promise adoring stories of being a Mom, stories of love and fun with my husband and all of the ups and downs in between. I love photography, powerful quotes and a wide variety of music, so be prepared for a little bit of all of that whenever you come back to visit.

Feel free to subscribe to my blog on the right hand side of your screen so that you get updates in your e-mail.

And I welcome all thoughts, suggestions, stories and love by e-mail.

Tomorrow equals the official start of this blog, but for now, enjoy a picture of our handsome boy, napping away on Mommy’s lap this afternoon. The way he pulls his fingers into a fist, sighs and quivers in a dream and lays silently in peace brings me such comfort and such strength. It’s times like these that I truly feel I was put on this earth only to be a mother.